Class Struggles

For the past few days that I've been doing Bikram, my practices have been good on the outside but they have been killing me and my body! My middle spine now is the one that has been hurting and I think because it's opening up--this is good but painful/uncomfortable. 

Omar, one of our teachers, just came back from a trip in India. My first two classes with him were hard because he hardly opened the door and he did it one time in a full class(33 students). While in class, I could feel myself having shortness of breath. I would try my best to breathe deep and slow but it was damn hard! The air was so thick and I could feel everyone sucking so much oxygen and I could hear everyone panting. When I told Omar after class that I had a tough time breathing he told me that he didn't even notice since I looked well in class and that my practice was strong. In my head, I couldn't believe it because I really was struggling just to get enough air in my system. 

This morning, we had a full class once again and Ginger was our teacher. I knew we would be in for a tough class and I was right. I don't know why but I felt real hunger at the start of the class and it threw me off a bit at the start but I was fighting to be in control. When the triangle pose came, my true test came. Ginger told everyone to sit down except for me and she placed a towel in front of the class and asked me to demo the posture. (I just want you to know that a towel on the floor without a mat was slippery as hell so I had to tighten everything while doing the posture while going in and out of it.) I think it was good for me to demo in the sense that it jolted me and made me try even harder and to put in more effort in every posture while breathing deep and slow once again. 

Sometimes I wonder if I am improving because in my head, I think that I have improved with regards to the postures but I know that I need to train my mind some more. I know that I still make excuses so that I can just breeze thru classes some days. I would still drink water more than I should and I hate it that I can't seem to stop myself from doing so. 

This July, the studio will be having a 30-day bikram challenge and I plan to take it. When I first about it, I told myself that I wouldn't do it because I didn't want to hassle myself when I know that I can practice and still get better. But I realized that I need to strengthen my mind. I know that I'll have a tough time doing this but our bikram yoga community in BYA has been getting closer and I know that I'll have a good support group to help me through it.